Will BRB!

Mommy I Want One will not have a post for the next two weeks! Yes, I know, that sound you hear are all the debaucherous, freeloading weirdos on the planet crying...actually sounds like the time I passed that school bus with all the kids on the way to fat camp. It's summer time and I had to get mine so be sure you get yours too!

Stay Cool

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo / Hugo Cabret / World War Z / The Avengers / The Last Exorcism Reviewed

It's been a heavy news week as geeks from around the world united at this year's San Diego Comic-Con! The SDCC is THE place for the biggest news reveals for comics, shows, and flicks. Over the years it's become more than just about the comicbook genre and has moved on into the realm of science-fiction, fantasy and horror...and I've brought you the sweetest little goodies to gander at! We've got word on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Martin Scorsese's first family adventure Hugo Cabret,  World War Z, and The Avengers assemble for the first time! Plus, Bikini Cinema Presents Star Wars, a flying SUV, more Drunk-O-Vision, and my review of The Last Exorcism! Check out the links after the jump.


A Few Links... to keep the DeLorean running at 88mph

What's more awesome than Wyatt Earp gunfighting at the O.K. Corral? How about giving it the sci-fi treatment? Director Sam Raimi (Spider-Man) is attached to direct Earp: Saints for Sinners, a film adaptation of the graphic novel of the same name, in which Earp battles outlaws in a futuristic dystopian Las Vegas. As long as Earp doesn't start acting emo and wastes 7 minutes of our lives in a horrible dance sequence you can count me in.
(hollywoodreporter.com)

Director Tim Burton (Alice in Wonderland) is developing a film version of the board game Monsterpocalypse. The story revolves around an epic war between humanity and monsters the size of tall buildings. To counteract the monster threat, the men and women of Earth create an army of giant robots. This might actually be more awesome than Earp: Saints for Sinners but I'm starting to get a little freaked by all these board game adaptations that are cropping up like Justin Bieber haircuts. If anyone's interested I'm taking bets on which one will be announced next. I hope it's that sex board game my friends got me for christmas. I play with it all the time but I'm still trying to figure out who this mysterious 'partner' is.
(slashfilm.com)

There are more rumblings of a Mission Impossible 4, as rumor has it that Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) is in negotiations to return as lab tech Benji Dunn. Pegg was in MI3 for all of 15 minutes but the role got him the attention of director J.J. Abrams who then cast him as Scotty in last year's Star Trek reboot. Tom Cruise is apparently already signed on to reprise his role as agent Ethan Hunt and the flick will start filming as soon as Paramount gives the green light. Why Paramount? Why? I know it's a cash cow but do us all a favor and just make it a new series revolving around a full cast of unknowns. We don't need more gratuitous mask use, poor dialogue, and crazy sofa jumping (yeah I'm talking about you Mr. Cruise).
(hollywoodreporter.com)

Sony's Columbia Pictures has signed director David Fincher (Se7en) to helm the english-language adaptation of The Girl with the Drgaon Tattoo with Daniel Craig attached to star. The film is based on the bestselling novel by swedish author Steig Larson and centers on a mystery surrounding the long-unsolved disappearance of an heiress. A recently blacklisted journalist (Craig) and a young female hacker try to resolve it, stirring up bundles of personal and industrial corruption along the way. The first in the "Millenium Series", a crime thriller trilogy published posthumously after Larson's death, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has already been adapted in Sweden and made a boatload of cash while an adaptation of its followup The Girl Who Played with Fire is well on its way to doing the same. The third book in the trilogy, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest, is expected to be released shortly. Fincher's deal has him signed to direct the first flick with an option to direct the following two english-language adaptations of the trilogy. The studio's planning for a December, 2011 release but no word yet on who'll play antisocial hacker Lisbeth Salander. I've already read the first book in the trilogy, am currently reading the second,  and also saw Fincher's Se7en again not too long ago...I can only say that I'm very pleased with Sony's choice here.         

(comingsoon.net)

Set your phasers to nerdgasm! Star Trek 2, the sequel to the 2009 sci-fi reboot is set to start filming early next year. The whole cast has signed on to reunite again while the previous film's director J.J. Abrams has not revealed whether he'll direct the sequel or not (though I'm guessing he will). Rumors have been flying as to who will be the villian in the flick. Screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman have stated that they will listen to fan criticism and if the fans want Khan then they will bring back Khan! Also, original series lead, William Shatner, seems to be angling for a cameo while Leonard Nimoy, who's return as the original Spock made the reboot possible in the first place, is not expected to make an appearance. I know it's not much in the way of news but from here on out all Star Trek updates will be posted on this blog. Why? Because I'm white, short and have glasses. It's required. Otherwise I'll get kicked out of the Geeks Unlimited Club.
(hollywood.com)

Martin Scorsese will be making his first foray into the family-adventure genre with Hugo Cabret, a film-adaptation of the bestselling novel 'The Invention of Hugo Cabret'. Hugo Cabret centers on Hugo (Asa Butterfield), an orphan boy living a secret life in the walls of a Paris train station. When he encounters a broken machine, an eccentric girl (Chloe Moretz) and a cold, reserved man (Ben Kingsley) who runs a toy shop, he is caught up in a magical, mysterious adventure. Scorsese is a man of many talents and I can't wait to see how this turns out.
(hollywoodreporter.com)

A sequel to the 2009 hit comedy The Hangover is headed into production this fall. There are no details so far except word is that the comedic trio of the first film is set to return and that filming will take place in Thailand...Wow and you thought these guys could get in trouble in Vegas? Imagine what happens when you put them in a place full of ecstacy, underage she-male hookers, and a city called Bangkok.          

(comingsoon.net)

20th Century Fox is planning to make a film about 19-year-old outlaw Colton Harris-Moore, nicknamed "The Barefoot Bandit". This is the kid in the states who's stolen boats, cars, planes and burglarized over 100 homes. It's very much a real life Catch Me If You Can story that came to an end when Harris-Moore was arrested after crashing a plane on the shoreline of a Bahamian island. He became known as the "Barefoot Bandit" by reportedly committing some of his crimes barefoot. This is the type of role model that every kid needs. If I see some punk skulking around my place barefoot I'll beat the hormones out of him...after he takes my s*** computer. I could really use a new one.
(comingsoon.net)

One of the more awesome pieces of news to come out of this year's San Diego Comic-Con is that Brad Pitt will star in World War Z, a film based on the hit novel by Max Brooks that chronicles a zombie outbreak that ravages the world through first-hand accounts of the survivors. The film is set for a Summer 2012 release and Marc Forster (Quantum of Solace) is attached to direct. Paramount has also optioned the rights to Brooks' 'The Zombie Survival Guide', which offers instructions for surviving an attack by the living dead, and 'Recorded Attacks', which chronicles some of the major battles that occurred in the war against zombies. I've read World War Z and I'm tripping skittles right now. One please.
(mtv.com)

Run my Japanese friends! Run! Legendary Pictures is bringing a new Godzilla flick to the big screen! There's not much word on it except that it's supposed to be a reboot and the first artwork for the film was released this week at the SDCC (which you can see at the link below). Is it just me or does Godzilla look...kinda fat? RRRROOOWWRRR!
(io9.com)

The director with the LSD touch, Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth), is planning a reboot of Disney's failed Eddie Murphy flick The Haunted Mansion. Apparently del Toro is a huge fan of the Disney attraction and wants to make the film fun, scary, and adventure-filled. Guys, halfway through the flick just have Eddie Murphy popup on screen for a second yelling 'Surprise!'. I'd s*** myself.
(hollywooddump.com)

Sam Worthington (Avatar), who's attached to so many flicks I'm convinced he has a ton of clones working for him, is set to star in Warner Bros.' Dan Dare. For those of you born after 1950, Dan Dare was big in the U.K. back in the day and was the British equivalent of the U.S. Buck Rogers. The series was a comic, a radio program, and a TV series that centered on a gallant chief pilot, Dare, of the Interplanet Space Fleet who combatted alien threats.
(comingsoon.net)

Lastly, the crème de la crème, the ferrarri of weekend movie news, the double Ds of comicbook-flick enjoyment...The Avengers assemble! Freaks and geeks were going bananas at SDCC for the announcement that everyone interested in Marvel Entertainment was waiting for; the full reveal of The Avengers cast. Joss Whedon (Firefly) will be directing Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury), Clark Gregg (Agent Coulson), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow), Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Chris Evans (Captain America), Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man), Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye), and Mark Ruffalo (The Hulk). Whedon has never tackled a film of this size before but he is known in the industry for handling fun and entertaining material with a large cast. I saw Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker and have nothing but good things to say about him; he's a good match for the surly wise-cracking archer. Quite a few people have been unhappy with the Ruffalo casting but the fact of the matter is, he's a name actor who doesn't get alot of work so he comes cheap, and he's got a kind of geeky attitude that could go well with the Bruce Banner/The Hulk role. I'm just surprised that they're excluding the characters Ant Man (Hank Pym) and Wasp (Janet Pym), who really make the superhero team seem like a real family. Well only time will tell True Believers since The Avengers is set for a summer 2012 release.
(superherohype.com)


What I Want

Another bathtub! Making moonshine is right up my alley...I already have poor vision anyway.
(bbc.co.uk)

To see one my old time favourite hotties, Pam Anderson, lounging in a bikini on a Montreal billboard. Montreal officials: what do I pay taxes for anyway?
(bittenandbound.com)

A flying SUV! 'Nuff said.
(popjolly.com)

How do you improve literacy? Get a bunch of chicks naked to read to you. Yes Ma'am!
(globeandmail.com)


Click For Chicks

FHM lingerie buyer's guide.
(youtube.com)

Bikini Cinema Presents Star Wars.

(youtube.com)

Straight from the U.K.: Gemma Atkinson VS Keeley Hazell! Two of my all time fav girls from my home country's 'lad mags'.
(youtube.com)

I couldn't resist posting this: U.K.'s Sophie Reade posing in black leather for Nuts Magazine (another big 'lad mag'). (NSFW)
Part 1
(egotastic.com)
Part 2
(egotastic.com)

Cute College Chick of the Day: Marie from St. Catherine University.
(collegehumor.com)


Laugh If You Can

Wanna get laid? Bring your date some synthetic cocaine! Real commercial from the 80s.
(youtube.com)

Simple, but effective, computer prank.
(metacafe.com)

I hadn't seen one of these in awhile but my buddy reminded me of their 'lol' value: literal music video 'Take On Me' by AHA.
(youtube.com)

Drunk-O-Vision!
(collegehumor.com)


Word Of The Week

Hello Boys and Ghouls! This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending this year's Fantasia Fest here in Montreal and I had a blast! It was my first time at the fest (I know I know, I love flicks but how could I have let this happen?) and I went to see The Last Exorcism with my little blond firecracker. The Last Exorcism is a horror film (surprise) about an evangelical minister who performs 'faux' exorcisms, filmed by a documentary crew, in the hopes to refute their very existence. While 'performing' the exorcism of a teenage girl they begin to question whether these odd events are the result of a troubled family life or actual demonic possession. The flick is currently in a limited release so security for the film was very tight (I had to show the security guy the inside of my popcorn bag...that's not a euphemism) and there were cameras on the sides of the theaters to film the audience's reaction for future trailer release. So if you see a trailer for this flick and a giant c*** suddenly shows up on screen...that's not me. Let me start by saying that I enjoyed the film (as did my beautiful companion) not only as a horror movie but just as a flick itself. I didn't find it particularly scary (I don't get scared during films) but I will concede to quite a bit of saying 'that's f***** up'. All actors and staff involved in this film are essentially unknowns. The minister, Cotton Marcus, is played by actor Patrick Fabian, who makes this a better-than-average flick. I'm not knocking on anyone else here, but the guy did a great job and he definitely had a great presence on camera. His character is witty and take-charge and that goes a long way when you're dealing with a fast-paced film like this one. Something I very much enjoyed about the film was that there weren't too many 'don't go in there!' or 'what are doing?' moments that really make me want to see horror film characters killed off. I found that the character reactions were thought out pretty well and though I'd like to think I'd grab a shotgun at the first opportunity I probably would have reacted in a very similar way. The little farm teen in the throes of this 'possession', Nell Sweetzer, is played by actress Ashley Bell, who did quite a standup job of making me believe she was an innocent hick farm chick. So much so that I was really surprised when I found out that the actress was 24 years old and not 18. Also, for the Marvel Comic freaks out there, the role of her brother, Caleb Sweetzer, is played by Caleb Jones who's signed to play Banshee in the upcoming X-Men: First Class flick. I have no strong feelings about him either way but at least I didn't want to get out my seat and beat the ginger out of him. I won't go into too much detail because as the plot is not very complex it'll ruin the film for you but it moves along quickly, smoothly and doesn't feel like you're watching a movie. It felt very much like I was watching the footage filmed by an actual documentary crew. I'm not a big fan of the one-camera filmography method but I think that it was pulled off pretty damn well. So far the film has a 6.3/10 on IMDB but I give it a solid 7.5 if not an 8. If you get a chance, or if you're a fan of suspense-horror and not the type of horror that has entrails flying everywhere, check it out. It's worth a few bucks. I'm done people, unfortunately we posted a little late this week, expect the same to happen next week as Sunday I'll be attending the Osheaga Music Festival here in Montreal!

Stay cool.

The Hobbit / Ghost Rider 2 / Thor / Green Lantern / Kristen Stewart

What a week! Finally some good news on The Hobbit, word on Johnny Depp's next project, Cage confirms Ghost Rider 2: The Spirit of Vengeance and we've got the first pics from Thor and Green Lantern. We also have more chicks than usual this week (it wasn't planned it just worked out that way), some REALLY ancient brew, and a close encounter with that cute little elf from Twilight. Check out the links after the jump.


A Few Links... to keep the hamster wheel turning

The Hobbit flick has been plagued with so many problems that I was starting to forget that they still had to complete casting. Namely, who the hell's going to play Bilbo Baggins? Ian Holm played the weed-toking halfling in the first set of the Lord Of The Rings films but the 78-year-old doesn't have it in him anymore (and the fact that he's become almost the splitting image of a raisin). Now word is that Sylvester McCoy, who played the seventh incarnation of The Doctor in the British television series Doctor Who, is a lock for the role. Back during casting for the first set of films, McCoy was a close second for the role but eventually lost out to Holm. Since McCoy is at least 10 years younger than Holm, it doesn't come as a surprise that he'd finally get his shot. Then again, with all the financial trouble that this film is having, as well as having no director since Guillermo Del Toro left, McCoy might be dead by the time this movie starts filming.(screenrush.co.uk)

So kids, what do we do when we need to make something stale, done-to-death, boring and mind-numbing exciting? We add vampires that's what! Throw in a little Will Smith and you've got yourself a flick that will definitely make SOME money at the box office. He's attached to produce and star in The Legend Of Cain, “an epic re-telling of the Biblical sibling tale [but] this time with a vampiric twist." You hear that? As loud as my laughter is it's nothing compared to the sound of bible-thumpers freaking out over one of the holy bros being a black guy...Might as well make him Jesus.
(avclub.com)

More X-Men: First Class news! Kevin Bacon has officially joined the cast as the film's villain, though no word on who he'll be playing, but my money's on Mr. Sinister. Jennifer Lawrence, who stars in some winter boning movie I've never heard off, has also joined the cast. She'll be playing everyone's shapeshifting-dream-mutant Mystique...who by the way would be the best sex partner a man could have...I'd really "stique" it to her...giddity.
(hollywoodreporter.com)

The film adaptation of Dark Shadows is moving forward. The project's lead by Tim Burton and will star his favourite leading man, Johnny Depp, as the film's main character; vampire Barnabas Collins. The flick's script is being rewritten by Seth Grahame-Smith, the geneously macabre mind of the novel 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'. The original Dark Shadows was a gothic gothic soap opera than ran on ABC in the 60's and was called daring for its inclusion of werewolves, mummies, and other elements of the supernatural until it was cancelled in 71...unfilmed episode titles include 'Mummy I'd Like To F***', 'Suck This', 'Hairy Pair', and 'Ghost Buster'.     

(deadline.com)

Warner Bros. Pictures and Silver Pictures are teaming up for World War X. The flick "center[s] on a man recruited by a team of government agents to stop a terrorist from the future who is using time travel to reshape history." Sounds alot like Jean Claude Van Damme's no-award no-nomination movie Timecop, which if I ever complete the time machine I have building in my kitchen, will forever be wiped from our minds. First round's on you planet Earth.
(comingsoon.net)

So Ghost Rider fans (notice I didn't use the italics? That means I'm referring to the character and not the recent film adaptation), the moment we've all been dreading has come far too soon it seems. Nicholas Cage was on the "The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson" last week and confirmed that he has made a deal to return as Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. He also confirmed that the film will be directed by the same guys who brought us Crank and Gamer...wow you'd think with two directors one of those movies would have actually been good. Zing!
(comingsoon.net)

The 'Edward Norton and Marvel Entertainment s********' revolving around The Avengers came to an end this week. Marvel released a statement, Norton's agency released theirs, and lastly Norton himself posted a classy, regretful message to his fans online praising the Marvel Comic franchise. Now it seems that Marvel Entertainment wants to have a full cast for the film ready for a Comic-Con announcement on July 24, so rumors are flying over who will take on the role of the Incredible Hulk. There have been whispers of Joaquin Phoenix, Nathan Fillion, Adrien Brody, and my favourite the U.K.'s David Tennant, known for his role of The Doctor from the last few seasons of Doctor Who. Hmmmm didn't think I'd ever see two Doctor Who related posts in one blog...but it would be excellent if he were cast! He's a fine character actor and deserves some recognition. However, as the date of the Con approaches it seems that one name is being bandied about more than the others and that name is 'Mark Ruffalo'. Yeah, I don't get it either. The Hulk's alter-ego Bruce Banner is supposed to be a skinny, weary looking dude and Ruffalo has had far too many cheeseburgers to pull it off. When he starred in that flick with Jennifer Garner it looked like he had eaten one of her castmates.        

(denofgeek.com)

Walt Disney Pictures is starting production on Tink, a live-action film focusing on the Peter Pan character Tinkerbell. No word on the story yet but its said to be a romantic comedy and blonde lollipop Elizabeth Banks (Zach and Miri Make a Porno) has signed on to play the little sprite with the legs. Good choice.        

(variety.com)

Tron Legacy director Joe kosinski's next film will be “Archangels” a flick in development with New Regency. The movie is set in the near future and is described as a “Bourne"-style thriller crossed with extraterrestrial elements. The main character is part of an elite force that is tasked with tracking aliens who get past Earth’s defense system. I've seen some of the footage for Tron Legacy and I'll tell you; this guy's going to be in demand.
(hollywoodreporter.com)

Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity) has signed on to direct The Last of the Tribe, a film adaptation of the non-fiction book "The Last of the Tribe: The Epic Quest to Save a Lone Man in the Amazon." The novel tells the story of a one-man tribe found in the forests of southwestern Brazil in 1996 and the efforts to protect him. His protectors weren't your usual social workers but men who worked for the government overseeing indigenous interests. They were kind of a motley crue of Indiana Jones types and are described by the author as  "a rebel who spent more than a decade living with a tribe, a young man who left home to work in the forest at age fourteen, and an old-school sertanista with a collection of tall tales amassed over five decades of jungle exploration." This could be interesting.
(comingsoon.net)

I see previously-unemployed people! I never thought I'd post something like this but...Haley Joel Osmont (The Sixth Sense) is set to star in Sex Ed. The studio describes it as a 'coming-of-age' flick (isn't this 'kid' like 30 now?) in which Osmond plays "a college graduate who dreams of teaching high school Algebra but due to budget restraints, ends up teaching sexual education, despite being a virgin. He discovers an unlikely mentor in a blues bar, a ruthless enemy in the local PTA, and a gorgeous Polish girl for whom English is a distant second language." Hmmmmm...this is also set to be directed by a guy named Isaac Feder, who's only ever directed commercials and short films. Hey kids, can you say direct-to-dvd?
(hollywoodreporter.com)

Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote) will star in an "untitled scientology" film to be directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (Magnolia). The film has been nicknamed The Master by fans, named after Hoffman's rumored character; a science-fiction author who creates a religion. The Master "is the story of a charismatic intellectual (Hoffman) who hatches a faith-based organization that begins to catch on in America in 1952 called The Cause. The core dynamic centers on the relationship between The Master and Freddie Sutton, an aimless twenty-something drifter and alcoholic who eventually becomes the leader's loyal lieutenant. As the faith begins to gain a fervent following, Freddie finds himself questioning the belief system he has embraced, and his mentor." Mark my words: Hoffman and Anderson are the right people for the job.
(io9.com)

Lastly, for the comicbook kids, I've collected a few tidbits that might interest you. This week we had our first official pics from Green Lantern and Thor. You can see Ryan Reynolds as the Emerald Crimefighter here on the cover of the latest issue of Entertainment weekly. Additional scans from the inside of the magazine, including one showing us the fine FINE form of actress Blake Lively, can be accessed here. The costume is getting a bit of criticism from fans who think it looks too odd. I have no problem with it and what people have to keep in mind is that this thing was created completely with CG. What does that mean? It means that it's going to look different on the big screen than it does in the magazine scan because the suit texture is basically 'alive'. Relax people, wait and see how it looks in actual footage before knocking it. Also, here's a new pic from Thor (new pic from Thor) giving us a good look at some of the gods in the film. I don't know how to feel about Anthony Hopkins looking like a giant can opener but I'll trust that he wouldn't get involved in a production that'll blow up in his face...ummm not like Proof, Bad Company, Titus, Freejack...anyway let's just see some footage first.


What I Want

To be in Moscow right now! They're in a heat wave and apparently russian chicks in bikinis are out sunbathing in the park...damn Booboo I want to show 'em my picnic basket.
(msnbc.com)

I'd lay in the sun with them and have a few bottles of this 9000-year-old beer!
(npr.org)

Afterwards I'd lounge around in a nice robe and play some new Duke Nukem while they rub my...uh...feet.
(fark.com)

To cap it all off we'd all take a trip on Virgin Galactic's Spaceship Two, the VSS Enterprise, and join the 9-mile high club. Bam!
(io9.com)


Click For Chicks

Since we mentioned russian chicks before and there really weren't any to see at the link above, I present you with the contestants of Miss Russian Bikini 2005 exercising.
(youtube.com)

Quite a few of you went bananas over that Katy Perry video "Californa Gurls" so here she is in a bikini. Yes, she looks very f****** good.

(egotastic.com)

Miranda Kerr's sexy cotton lingerie commercial for Victoria's Secret. If you're going to click on anything, click on this.
(youtube.com)

For those who like her: Dita von Teese in a sexy commercial from Perrier, another company who knows how to peddle smut.
(warmingglow.com)

A few chicks doing my secret talent in slow motion...oh no not that one...yeah I wasn't very proud of myself when I found out what it was either.
(youtube.com)

Cute College Chick of the Day: Kristina from Loyola University Chicago.
(collegehumor.com)


Laugh If You Can

"You and Your Johnson" when they used d**** to sell stuff instead of t***.
(youtube.com)

It's because of cartoons like this that all of us 80's kids are severely deranged.
(fark.com)

Classic beer commercial.
(youtube.com)

My first employee manual!
(collegehumor.com)


Word Of The Week

I was going to explain how the latest 3D tech works this week but instead due to increasingly greater demand, I'll tell you about my run-in with Kristen Stewart. Yeah, the cute little chick from Twilight. Let me be clear, I am NOT a fan of the film or the book series. I saw the first flick under durress and I will never watch another one. However, I'll allow a little bit of respect for the author of the series and the actors who play the characters since they have to put up with alot of shit. Some of my friends and I went to a pool bar here in Montreal after work called Sharx. It's a decent place most of the time but this was late Saturday afternoon so the joint was pretty quiet. They've got a disco bowling alley in the back there too, so that's what we hit after we played pool for an hour. While we were waiting to get our shoes at the bowling counter I noticed there was a group of guys waiting as well. I didn't know it at the time but this group included Garrett Hedlund (Friday Night Lights) and a british actor by the name of Sam Riley (Control). Both of them are in town filming On The Road with Kristen Stewart. I did not recognize these guys all night, which annoys me since I would have liked to get a pic with Garrett Hedlund, this guy's going to be huge in a year when Tron Legacy comes out. So there goes a potential boost to my credibility. I was the first of my friends to reach our booth next to our lane when I saw that some punky looking chick was already sitting in our booth. I walked over and started speaking to her french, saying that I thought she had the wrong booth. She had no idea what I said (obviously) so again I asked her in English and she got up and started apologizing. Since so many of you have asked I'll tell you she had dark hair, I have no clue what bloody jewelery she had on, she seemed quite content, was not wearing vampire teeth, and I couldn't tell how if she was 5'5 or 5'6 since I couldn't whip my cock out in the place. A few guys came over and started helping her move the drinks off of our table, we had a good laugh and I said that it was no problem. My friends and I sat down while Stewart and her group took the lane next to ours and one of my friends whispered that the punky chick was Stewart. We were doubtful until the name 'Kristen' showed up on the monitor...yeah it was a pretty good clue. Well no one in my group was going to talk to her (they're fans and like I said I'm not) but she's a celeb so I figured I'd chat her up and see if I could get a laugh. She ended bowling at the same time as me, we laughed about the booth-thing, I said something else that was REALLY sexy and charming, and that was about it. I thought about it and figured it wouldn't be too much trouble to get a pic with her and my friends (I also had my hot little firecracker with me and knew she'd love me for it) so I made sure to talk to her again when I had the chance. I also had a laugh with Hedlund and Riley over something and they seemed like a decent pair of guys. No, I did not see anybody kissing or cuddling. None male-and-female, or male-and-male, or male-and-bowling ball. When it came time for us to leave I interrupted a conversation, apologized for bothering them and explained my situation with a smile and asked her if she'd be willing to have a pic with us. She said 'yes', one of the guys took the photo with my sweet lollipop's camera, and we all introduced ourselves and left. It was a good time, I have only good things to say about them all, and I'm done talking about it. I don't like paparazzi, I find that whole aspect of journalism tasteless and insulting to the craft, and I wouldn't have bothered them at all if I was alone. Why not? Because there's a thin line between printed gossip and journalism but there's an even thinner one between covering artists in the news and denying them privacy. Also...yes...she looked better in person. Msg me Kristen!
             
Stay cool people.

Scream 4 / The Little Mermaid / MIB3 / The Avengers

It's been a hot week here in Montreal but a ssslllooowww one in Hollywood...but I still manage to get you the goods! Scream 4's sending people "screaming" (*womp* *womp*), The Little Mermaid is going live-action, Men In Black 3 story details, and Edward Norton will NOT be playing the Hulk in The Avengers. Plus, we've got more chicks, water tetris, and an actual word for the Word Of The Week! Check out the links after the jump.


A Few Links... to keep you made in the shade

Rumors are circulating that the currently-in-production Scream 4 is suffering from some major problems. Originally the movie was supposed to be spearheaded by the first two films' creative geniuses director Wes Craven and screenwriter Kevin Williamson. Now there's word that Williamson has left the project and that Craven has no control over the script. Furthermore, several actors/actresses, such as Lauren Graham, have left the project while those still on board are apparently unhappy with the direction the flick is taking. Sadly, that sexy smurf Hayden Panettiere is also upset because her role in the film has reportedly been reduced. Initially I was very excited about this film and now everything I'm hearing leads me to believe that this is a train wreck waiting to happen....but of course I'll still see it. Why? Because it has Courtney Cox and Hayden Pannettiere and one of them is bound to end up in a shower in this movie....hopefully they'll be in the shower together...because chicks do that right?   

(denofgeek.com)

"Sharon! He's mumpfi et aisjsdu &*%^!!!" <---------- That's probably what Ozzy Osbourne said when he heard that Colin Farrell had reportedly agreed to play the rock legend in the upcoming biopic about his life. Yeah, Colin Farrell could be playing Ozzy "I'm-going-to-tear-off-this-pigeon's-head-with-my-teeth-and-you're-gonna-love-me-for-it" Osbourne. The flick's been tossed around Hollywood ever since the Osbournes' reality television show was on the air. Since then, it's been rumored that Ozzy wanted an unknown to play him in the flick and that actor Johnny Depp was once interested in the role. Congrats Ozzy! If this news is on the money then you got your wish.
(digitalspy.com)

A live-action Little Mermaid is in the works. The flick's being developed by director Joe Wright (Atonement)and will undoubtedly be 'edgy' in some way. I'm all for it as long as they make Ariel look like she does at the bottom of this page. I also hear they're going to try and make it truer to the tale's orginal source material....let's see how the original ends....just click here....wiki this....ummm wow! Yeah, in the original Ariel begins to bleed to death on land after the evil witch splits her tail with a potion. To make things worse, that douchebag prince who's supposed to save her laughs in her face while she's dying and commands her to dance for him. On top of that, the Prince marries another woman leaving Ariel cursed and without a soul. The only way to earn a soul is to spend 300 years doing good deeds, only every time a child cries, she has to do an extra day for each teardrop. Now THAT'S a paddlin'!
(comingsoon.net)

Mandate Pictures and New Line have sent out a press release giving a first look at the synopsis of the new Harold & Kumar film, tentatively titled A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas:

"The new 'Harold & Kumar' comedy picks up six years after the duo's last adventure. After years of growing apart, Harold Lee (John Cho) and Kumar Patel (Kal Penn) have replaced each other with new best friends and are preparing for their respective Christmas celebrations. But when a mysterious package arrives at Kumar's door, his attempt to deliver it to Harold's house ends with him inadvertently burning down Harold's father-in-law's prize Christmas tree. With his in-laws out of the house for less than a day, Harold decides to cover his tracks rather than come clean, and reluctantly embarks on another ill-advised but hilarious journey with Kumar, taking them through New York City on Christmas Eve in search of the perfect Christmas tree."

The plot sounds kind of lame but then again this is how the plot of the first film is described on IMDB:

"Harold Lee and Kumar Patel are two stoners who end up getting the munchies. What they crave the most after seeing a TV advertisement, is a trip to White Castle. So from here, follows a journey for the burgers they require. On their way they will encounter many obstacles including a raccoon, a racist officer, and a horny Neil Patrick Harris."

Whatever, I'm going to be stone-.....uh....hig-...uh...hmmmm...ahhh stoney-eyed and hyper when I see this movie anyway.  

(comingsoon.net)

Ridley Scott and Leonardo DiCaprio might pair up again for The Wolf of Wall Street. DiCaprio has been attached for some time and was originally interested when director Martin Scorsese had the reins. Now it seems that Scorsese wants to pass the baton to Scott, leaving him [Scorsese] free to produce, while DiCaprio is still reportedly interested. The flick is based on the memoir of the same name by former multimillionaire stockbroker, and later federal convict, Jordan Belfort. Belfort ran a cadre of stockbrokers in the 90's, ripped alot of people off, and lived a wild playboy lifestyle until the federal government brought him and his people down.  

(deadline.com)

Speaking of Ridley Scott, he's teaming up with Oscar-winning director Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland) and YouTube to create the first user-generated feature-length documentary film. Life in a Day will be a film comprised of various moments captured on camera by men and women around the world on Saturday, July 24. For more information, and later to upload your own footage if you're interested, go to this site. Individuals whose footage makes it into the finished film will be credited as co-directors and 20 of these contributors will be flown to the 2011 Sundance Film Festival for the film's world premiere. I'd submit my own footage but it'd be too awesome. It'd be 20 hours of sex followed by 2 hours of crime-fighting and a 2 hour nap! I'll eat while I f***.
(comingsoon.net)

Indie film Margin Call has brought together one hell of an ensemble cast. The flick is a thriller that revolves around the key people at a investment bank over a 24-hour period during the early stages of a financial crisis.
So far the film has the likes of Jeremy Irons, Kevin Spacey, Demi Moore, Zachary Quinto, Paul Bettany, Penn Badgley, Simon Baker, Stanley Tucci and Mary McDonnell. It's currently in its fourth week of filming and will definitely be one to watch out for.      

(deadline.com)

Director James Cameron wants more of your money! On August 27, Avatar will be re-released in theaters with more than eight minutes of additional never before seen footage. Sorry Avatar freaks but no word on whether this version will include the much-whispered-about Na'vi sex scene that ended up on the cutting room floor. Cameron also revealed last week that Titanic is being converted to 3D for re-release in April 2012, the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking. I'll see it but only because I'll get to ogle Kate Winslet's rack in 3D.         

(aintitcool.com)

The first plot details for Men In Black 3 have been revealed. The film has Agent Jay (Will Smith) sent back in time to 1969 where he teams up with a young Kay (played by series newcomer Josh Brolin) to stop an evil villain named Yaz (Jermaine Clement) from destroying the world in the future. Hilarity and race jokes ensue. So far I only have two issues with this flick, namely that Clement's character is described as "a nightmare biker who looks like Dennis Hopper and Satan" and I don't see how he's going to pull that off and that Brolin is supposed to play a young Kay when's he's already 40 years old (Tommy Lee Jones was 51 years old when the first Men in Black was released).
(joblo.com)

What the hell is Potsdamer Platz and why should you be looking forward to it? It's in pre-production, will be directed by Tony Scott, and so far stars Christopher Walken, Javier Bardem and Mickey Rourke. Word on the street is that Jason Statham is set to join the cast as well and that Scott is eyeing Gene Hackman and Al Pacino to take the leads. So what is this flick about?  "The film will focus on two soldiers from a New Jersey crime family who decide to expand the business internationally." Whatever, I'm sold. You had me at "more cow bell."    

(cinematical.com)

So the Spider-Man 4 casting is beginning to make alot more sense. Last week it was revealed that 27 year-old C-list actor Andrew Garfield would be playing the new Peter Parker/Spider-man. As you remember (yeah who's kidding no one reads this anyway) my concern was that Garfield was too old to play a highschool Peter Parker, especially for three films. Now it seems that there was never a plan to bring the character back to highschool in the first place but instead the new film begins with Parker in college! Additionally, and this is the first time I've heard of this happening, not only was Garfield chosen because the studio liked him but because he went along with the financial deal offered with the role. The deal stated that Garfield would recieve only $500,000 for the first film, $1 million for the second, and $2 million for the third. So let's recap. Peter Parker in college again and not in highschool for the reboot: I vote bad. Picking a no-name actor, not because of his talent, but because he'll take the ****** deal you offered him: I vote worse.
(hitflix.com)

Edward Norton will not be reprising the role of Bruce Banner/The Hulk in the upcoming Avengers movie. This past week saw a veritable ****storm between Marvel reps and Norton's agency. Marvel has stated that they've decided to look for another name actor to take on the role, someone who "embodies the creativity and collaborative spirit of [the] other talented cast members." Norton's people say that amicable relations were underway for Norton to return to the role and they were actually in salary talks until Marvel blindsided them with a public announcement of which they had no knowledge. I'm not surprised that Norton isn't coming back but I AM surprised that he was in talks to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I think he did a great job in The Incredible Hulk. Not only did he star in the film but he also co-wrote the script. However, if studios were happy with him they would have made another Hulk film ages ago.
(comingsoon.net)

More Marvel news true believers! X-Men: First Class has cast its Beast in the form of Nicholas Hoult (About A Boy, Skins) a young UK television star. Also, word is that they're close to signing Caleb Landry Jones (No Country For Old Men) as a young Banshee and Lucas Till (Walk The Line) as Havok, the brother of the X-Men's leader Cyclops. Speaking of Cyclops, the frotnrunner is said to be none other than Aaron Johnson, who previously worked with X-Men: First Class director Matthew Vaughn on Kick Ass. Since Magneto is pulling a Darth Vader in this flick and is actually a good guy at the beginning, word on the street is that Kevin Bacon is in talks to star as the unknown villain of the film. If this was 2001 I'd be having a hell of a laugh right now but the truth of the matter is I don't mind Bacon's latest work. Expect the rumor mill to focus on the casting of a young Jean Grey next.
(gammasquad.com)

I'd be completely remiss if I didn't mention that the Fantasia Film Festival kicked off here in Montreal on Thursday! Every year at Fantasia a number of great films, from the independent to the big-studio variety, are showcased from various places around the globe. This is the chance to catch flicks that aren't normally vieweable in North America and if you're a film afficiado this is something you can't miss! I'll be seeing The Last Exorcism on July 24th with a hot little blond firecracker on my arm. Do yourself a favor and check out the lineup at the link below.
(fantasiafestival.com)


What I Want

To be MTV's new Twitter DJ! The gig pays $100K a year and grants access to tons of events and the chance to hang with a bunch of celebs. Come on MTV, I've got the thumbs for it.
(mtv.com)

To prove it, I'll kick anyone's ass at this trippy water Tetris game!
(gammasquad.com)

I'm still waiting for my hoverboard but in the meantime I'll take a pair of these Back To The Future sneakers with power laces. Yeah, I'm THAT lazy.
(io9.com)


Click For Chicks

Once again I have some hot videos courtesy of Eric "don't-be-pissed-that-I-benchpressed-you're-mom" Dorval:

A bunch of hot chicks dancing to "I Touch Myself"...who make me want to touch myself.
(youtube.com)

These douchy kids get a Babe Remote Control in the mail and spend half of their time with it smiling at eachother. Hand it over son, Sugar Bear will put that thing on mute and channelsurf like crazy.
(youtube.com)

Cute College Chick of the Day: Meg from the University of Mary Washington.
(collegehumor.com)

If you can't handle the pressure anymore check out my buddy TK's free X-Rated site! Yeah Mom, your dream has come true: your son's a porn-peddler now. (NSFW)
(triplexstreams.com)


Laugh If You Can

Jedi Master Yoda recording his voice for some GPS. You'd think you'd want to take directions from this guy but let's face it, there's a reason he was stuck on a swamp planet for all those years.
(jalopnik.com)

Webcomic Cyanide and Happiness.
(explosm.net)

Guy sees a double rainbow and trips skittles. Whatever he's on I'll take two.
(youtube.com)

Remember that Super Mario Bros. Crossover game I posted last week? These are the Nintendo characters that didn't make the game.
(youtube.com)


Word Of The Week

So after little thought and no imagination I've decided to present you with an actual word for this week's Word Of The Week. The word is "googlecuse". Yes, it's made up. No, not by me but by my friend Matt "I-sell-wood-for-a-living-how-funny-is-that-to-say-at-parties?" Gormley. What does it mean? Yeah I'm sure you're not asking that. *Ahem* Googlecuse: to accuse of using the search engine Google to find the source of, or answer to, randomly mentioned quote/questions/facts. What? Yeah, basically if you're one of those Facebook people who constantly posts song, movie, or television quotes and someone goes "Oh yeah I know that!", and gives you the source but you think they're complete BS and just looked it up on google, then you "googlecuse" them. By the way, don't be surprised if this section undergoes tons of edits as that definition is fixed, maimed and basically beaten to a pulp as people msg me going, "I don't get it." You know what? I don't care. GOOGLECUSE. Use it, spread it, and love it...that's what she said.


Stay cool.

Spider-Man / Little Red Riding Hood / Lion King 3D / Lego

It's our first supersized, double D, Mamma Cass edition! The new Spider-Man has been cast, Little Red Riding Hood is going 'gothic', the Lion King is coming in 3D, and a Lego flick is on the way. Plus, we've got a sweet flash game if you're bored at work, jetpacks for sale, accessories for the perfect murder and tons of chicks...if you're into that sort of thing...uh not me Sweetie! Check out the links after the jump.


A Few Links... from Lady Luck

Writer-director Robert Rodriguez has been offered the director's chair for the upcoming Marvel Comics' Deadpool movie. 20th Century Fox seems to like the hardcore director's stuff; this is the second pitch they've made to him in several months (the first being an offer to direct the new Planet of the Apes prequel which he declined). Apparently Ryan Reynolds, who took on the role of the "Merc With A Mouth" in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, is still interested in reprising the role. I like Ryan Reynolds but Hollywood DO NOT cast him as Deadpool again! You've made an offer to an excellent director and the last thing you need is a second flick with Van Wilder going around chopping people up with his mother's Cutco knives. 

(ign.com)

The Footloose remake is finally underway. Paramount Pictures announced that they've completed principal casting and have scheduled the flick to open in April, 2011. The reimagining of the 1984 film that launched Kevin Bacon's career has been trying to get off the ground for some time now, originally with Zac Effron - a GAP commercial's wet dream - attached to star. Now they've settled on unknown actor Kenny Wormald to fill the lead's shoes. The film will be directed by Craig Brewer (Hustle and Flow, Black Snake Moan) and will undoubtedly lead to a new generation of teen girls falling for a white guy dancing on-screen who can do more than the YMCA.
(boxofficemojo.com)

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas is actually happening! The movie's underway and it wouldn't be complete without Neil Patrick Harris on board supplying the movie's titular heroes with a sweet pillow of Afghani Kush. Word on the street is that they want to film the flick in 3D...Dude...you can almost taste the bong water.
(ew.com)

So what's going on with M. Night Shymalan? His latest, The Last Airbender, has hit theatres and is getting worse reviews than my mom's aerobics video set to classic showtunes and yet somehow he has another flick on the way. Word is the film's about "a father on a desperate search for his missing child... It might stray into Taken terrain, but the father taps into some supernatural powers to aid the search." Apparently Bruce Willis and Gwyneth Paltrow are loosely attached. Bradley Cooper (The Hangover, The A-Team) was rumored to play the lead until "scheduling conflicts" put him out of the running...in other words, he saw The Last Airbender and jumped ship. See Mom, there's hope for your video yet.      

(comingsoon.net)

The latest children's story to get the "gothic-edgy-reimagining" shaft by film studios is...Little Red Riding Hood! Starring the delicious Amanda Seyfried, Red Riding Hood, will be directed by Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke and will be set in a medieval village haunted by a werewolf...oh and there's a love triangle in the film somewhere...Wait... my spider-sense is tingling. I predict that Red Riding Hood will be riding a werewolf at some point in this film! I know...I am THAT good. 

(filmdrunk.com)

The next old-school comedy franchise to get a second wind may be Major League. It seems that the first film's writer-producer, David S. Ward, has been whispering aournd Hollywood that he wants to bring the gang back for Major League 3. So far, the plan's to get Charlie Sheen back in the saddle as Ricky 'Wild Thing' Vaughn and have the film center on him coming out of retirement to coach a young player. Charlie Sheen is apparently interested...and why not? The first movie got him a boatload of hookers and coke...yeah a boatload is an actual unit of mesurement for hookers. Look it up.
(digitalspy.com)

Not too long ago it was revealed that Disney would be rereleasing a few of their animated classics in 3D, beginning with Beauty And The Beast. Now the word is out that their hoping to REALLY cash in on the money train by converting The Lion King to 3D...That Simba's got a big mane.         

(empireonline.com)

The Adams Family is coming back to the big screen with none other than the Master of the Macabre, Tim Burton, involved! No word on whether he'll direct but come on, he was made to bring these characters to the big screen. Unlike previous incarnations of the gothic-comedy, rumor has it that the latest feature will use stop motion animation and will not be a live-action film. Also, the film will be based on the original Charles Adams comics and not the previous television or film adaptations. They're also toying with the idea of releasing the film in black and white. Buh-Da-Da-Dum *Snap* *Snap*.        

(comingsoon.net)

Bestill your hearts geek chicks! Channing Tatum has signed on to Fox's Ion, a sci-fi romance that involves "a man who travels to different Earths and dimensions in order to find his reincarnated lover." No word on whether he'll dance in the flick.
(comingsoon.net)

Since Sherlock Holmes did so well at the box office, I wasn't surprised that they quickly greenlit a sequel but it was pretty obvious when they mentioned the character of Professor Moriarty at the end of the flick. What better way to set up a sequel than to FINALLY mention the hero's archnemesis. Since then, names have been bandied about as to who will play the great detective's rival. The latest news is that director Guy Ritchie is hoping to get Daniel Day-Lewis to play Professor Moriarty. Other names that have been mentioned include Sean Penn, Javier Bardem and Gary Oldman...Trust me this is a good thing. I once heard a rumor that Brad Pitt was attached. *shudder*  

(comingsoon.net)

Matt Damon! The actor is in talks to star in director Cameron Crowe's We Bought A Zoo. The flick would be a nice change of pace for him, steering him back towards the drama genre that made his career with Good Will Hunting. The film is based on a novel by Benjamin Mee and tells the true story of how the author and his family used their life savings to buy a rundown zoo in the English countryside.
(comingsoon.net)

John Lithgow (Dexter, Leap Year), Frieda Pinto (Slumdog Millionaire), and Andy Serkis (The Lord of the Rings) have joined the cast of the Planet of the Apes sequel/prequel. The film stars James Franco as a scientist researching a cure for Alzheimer's who, through his experiments, evolves an ape called Caesar to the point that he begins to lead his species to world domination. Lithgow will play Franco's father, a man suffering from Alzheimer's, Pinto a love interest, and Serkis will star as Caesar through motion capture as he did when he took on the role of Gollum. So far this is looking pretty good.
(comingsoon.net)

Dreamworks is planning to bring those frightening little troll dolls to the big screen. Tentatively titled Good Luck Trolls, the studio hopes that the flick will give birth to whole new franchise opportunities featuring the danish children's toy line. Those things freak me out. For those of you who don't remember, they were really popular in the 60's and 90's and were essentially little voodoo dolls with coloured hair styled like Don King.
(comingsoon.net)

Now that the last of the Harry Potter films has finished filming who can't help but wonder what those wizarding kids will do next? Well Harry Potter himself, Daniel Radcliffe, has been attached to star in a remake of the 1930 Oscar-winning World War I film All Quiet On The Western Front. I haven't seen him in anything else but the Harry Potter flicks but any man who can stand being around the ice-creamy hotness of Emma Watson for years and NOT sleep with her obviously has something going for him. Or against him. Good luck Harry...Emma call me! I have a movie role that's perfect for you and calls for some..uh...wand handling.
(comingsoon.net)

Doctor Strange is coming to the big screen! Marvel Studios has hired a pair of screenwriters to adapt the comic book superhero's story. Not much as far as news goes but this could be the first title that gets distributed through Disney. This is not to be confused with the 90's porn spoof based on Doctor Kevorkian.
(comingsoon.net)

Story details for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides have been released. In the film, "Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) crosses paths with a woman from his past (Penelope Cruz), and he's not sure if it's love--or if she's a ruthless con artist who's using him to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. When she forces him aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane), Jack finds himself on an unexpected adventure in which he doesn't know who to fear more: Blackbeard or the woman from his past." This is either going to be really good or really %^;$. Place your bets people.
(comingsoon.net)

Wolfgang Peterson, who I'll honor by not mentioning the fact that he directed Poseidon and Troy, is attached to direct a film based on what oldschool toy line? If you guessed Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, then there must be a glitch in the Matrix because who could've seen that one coming? Do yourselves a favour and click the link because the original news source has a YouTube video embedded of one of the toy's commercials. What are you thinking Hollywood? Mom, your aerobics video is starting to look like it might have director's cut re-release potential.
(aintitcool.com)

X-Men: First Class has found its Magneto! Michael Fassbender, who most recently starred in Inglourious Basterds and 300 will face off against James McAvoy's Charles Xavier in the 2011 release. Rumor has it that Fassbender chose the role over that of a villain in Mark Webb's upcoming Spider-Man reboot. Only time will tell which is worse true believer.
(iconvsicon.com)

While we're mentioning X-Men: First Class I might as well let you know that the role of Emma Frost has officially been cast. I had previously posted that Rosamund "I-can't-remember-a-single-movie-you've-been-in-except-for-that-James-Bond-one" Pike was in talks for the role but it looks like she lost to Alice Eve! You may recognize the incredibly smoking hot Eve from that flick She’s Out of My League. Yeah, she's the one that's out of his league. Baby, if you're Eve then I'll be your Adam. We can populate this world with good-looking bloggers with a few tripod-like qualities...Get it?
(gammasquad.com)

George Miller is hard at work on the Mad Max reboot and rumor has arisen that Miller is actually working on TWO Mad Max films. The first is Mad Max: Fury Road which is ready to start filming and word is the second is a sequel entitled Mad Max: Furiosa. Both flicks would be filmed back-to-back with actor Tom Hardy taking on the role made famous by Mel Gibson years ago. The original Mad Max launched George Miller's career and opened the Hollywood door for Mel Gibson, where he played cop out for revenge against a brutal motorcycle gang that murdered his family in a dystopic future. This seems a bit premature to me but the Mad Max franchise has a solid following so I could see Hollywood actually going for this.
(cinematical.com)

The new Peter Parker has been cast! Andrew Garfield (The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus) has won the coveted role of Spider-Man in director Mark Webb's upcoming Spider-Man reboot. The 27-year-old british actor looks young but I don't know if he can carry the role for a trilogy. Think about it. He'll be 28 by the time they start filming and even if they do a new flick every two years with the aim of making it a trilogy, he'll be 32 by the time the third one comes around. Where's the fire, you ask? Webb's reboot is supposed to bring Spider-Man back to high school. FYI: Tobey Maguire, who played Spider-Man in the original trilogy's first film was 27 years old when filming started...which is why only half of the movie takes place in high school. The way Hollywood's going, in ten years I'll be able to play the cute little kid in the Jerry Maguire remake.
(chud.com)

I think I've been inhaling too many of the odd fumes coming from my hipster neighbor's apartment because I hear they're making a Pee-Wee Herman movie. Judd Apatow (Get Him to the Greek) is said to be collaborating with Paul Reubens on the flick, hoping to bring back to life the character that Reubens made so popular in the 80's. You guys remember Pee-Wee Herman right? He was a lanky and geeky pedophile that talked to a couch and loved toys. He had a movie in the 80's that spawned a television show and was incredibly popular until Reubens killed his own career by being caught jerking it in a movie theater. A hundred bucks says Reubens won't be invited to his own movie's premiere.
(variety.com)

The guys who brought you Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs are set to write and direct a Lego movie. Based on the popular building blocks, the movie will be a mix of live action and animation. There's no word on the plot but it's described as an action adventure set in a LEGO world. I wrote a script for a Lego movie a looonnggg time ago. It was about a sadistic killer and a tough federal agent engaged in a game of cat and mouse. The agent finally catches the killer and switches heads with him so he can go undercover as the killer. Yeah, I called it Head-Off but the studios said it had no potential.
(comingsoon.net)


What I Want

To be a character is this uber-awesome Super Mario Bros. crossover flash game! Play Super Mario Bros. as Mega Man, Samus Aran, Simon Belmont, or one of those gay guys from Contra. Not him, the one with the pretty mouth.
(supermariobroscrossover.com)

Put all your fellow peeping toms to shame with the first commercially available jetpack! Pricetag: $90 000. Wowzers.
(businessweek.com)

The largest Sega games collection you will ever see in your life! Over 1,000 games across all Sega consoles and tons of extras included. The last ebay bid was at $10,429.30 U.S. dollars. See Dad, THIS is what I wanted for Christmas back in good 'ole 1990!
(seganerds.com)

Scottevest's Carry-On Coat! Yes a coat. This is a coat that every geek is going to need after he kills his wife and he's on the lam for murder. Seriously, you can store anything in here and remember what we all learned from O.J.: if the coat don't fit...*wink*
(engadget.com)

Hell, if you're going to do the job you might as well do the job right! Check out these super realistic masks from SPFX so the murder'll get blamed on that evil **** of a father-in-law.
(gizmodo.com)

If all else fails and you need a quick getaway just hop a ride on one of these next-generation supersonic jets.
(popsci.com)


Click For Chicks

A Playboy Cybergirl doing Wii Yoga. I actually had a typo the first time around and I wrote 'Yoda' instead of 'Yoga'. You know what; I still would have clicked the link.
(totalprosports.com)

While we're at it: Why every girl should have a Wii Fit.
(youtube.com)

I don't know how I missed this the first time around: sexy smurfette-cheerleader Hayden Panettiere getting a champagne facial. In slow motion.
(gorillamask.net)

Cute College Chick of the Day: Emma from the UNC School of the Arts.
(collegehumor.com)

Katy Perry’s new video for her single “California Gurls” featuring Snoop Dogg – Courtesy of Eric “will-somehow-still-manage-to-find-a-slutty-chick-video-on-the-Vatican’s-YouTube-channel” Dorval – You have to check it out.
(youtube.com)

Since that video was so tasty I asked him to suggest a few more:

WANTED: Two chicks for general office work. Duties may include going into the storeroom, stripping down to a bikini and gyrating to dance music as a discoball rotates overhead.
(youtube.com)

I thought my posts for the World Cup were good but Dorval put me to shame! Check out these scantily clad chicks playing soccer in the mud. A must for every soccer fan.
(youtube.com)

 
Laugh If You Can

The Sexual Habits of Blue Play-Doh: A Short Film.
(io9.com)

Ridiculous police blotters.
(collegehumor.com)

This is why Superman secretly loves Lex Luthor.
(collegehumor.com)

7 computer features you could use in real life.
(collegehumor.com)


Word Of The Week

We've hit post number seven and since then I've received a few comments: some good, some bad, some sexy and others notable for their necessity to be ignored. I've had a few people mention to me that my blog could use an overhaul, i.e. embedded pics and video, and while I'm not against the idea the fact remains people that I think there's just waaayyy too much trash on the internet already. Take this site for example (incredibly trashy site) it looks like the guy took everything off the internet and fingerpainted it into some kind of digital Monet. It has useless graphics, some freaky people smiling at me like they're courting me to join their cult, and enough numbers flashing to give me a calculus-induced seizure. If that wasn't bad enough, the audio track goes on and on and promises, make that threatens, to repeat every few seconds. Sure, I could embed a few pics and vids, after all I used to be a short, fat, white kid with glasses and no social skills but isn't my way better? I give you quick, sometimes witty, commentary and if you're interested you click the links. It's that simple. I'll get on making this blog more pop-up-book-generation friendly but it'll take me awhile. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. Now if you'll excuse me I have to hit the stairmaster, throw on my contacts, and put on my stilts. It's business time.


Have a good work week.

Away From Keyboard!

Mommy I Want One will not have a post this week but instead will return next week with a special supersized-edition...in 3D!...No, there's no 3D but if you cross your eyes long enough you might see the magic-eye embedded in the background...No, there's no magic eye...but we'll have double the flicks, double the femmes, and double the fun! See you next week!

Fraggle Rock / Gilligan's Island / J. Edgar Hoover / The Hobbit

Those muppets from Fraggle Rock are getting the 'edgy' treatment, Michael Cera might be stuck on Gilligan's Island, Dicaprio is J. Edgar Hoover, and The Hobbit is limping along. We also have cleavage, twins, and lasers...But not all in one place. That'd be weird...but extremely interesting. Check out the links after the jump.


A Few Links... to keep your head in the gutter

Russell Crowe's latest appears to be a film adaptation of the '80s television hit The Equalizer. For those of you young enough to have had the Nintendo 64 as your first console, The Equalizer was a show about an ex-super-secret spy guy named Robert McCall who dealt out vigilante justice as a soldier-for-hire. I used to watch the show and want to call Robert McCall on my dad for making me mow the lawn. Where were your child labor laws then Canada?! Anyway, Happy Father's day Dad! How does it feel having to mow your own lawn now?

(pastemagazine.com)

The upcoming Scott Pilgrim VS. The World (which looks awesome by the way) star Michael Cera is being eyed for the role of Gilligan in the feature-film adaptation of the popular '60s show Gilligan's Island. I have a love-hate feeling about this. Namely I love the fact that we get to have a new Ginger...the movie star. Who would not want to populate the island with that woman?
(popcrunch.com)

The Weinstein Company's been trying to get a Fraggle Rock movie off the ground for a while now; going so far as getting a script writer and a director attached to the production but apparently the script's undergoing a rewrite to become more edgy....Edgy? How does that make any sense? Fraggle Rock was a show about a bunch of Jim Henson puppets living underground and playing music. I guess if they want to make it more edgy they can show the muppets doing what they really did off-camera: smoking copious amounts of dope and raiding the giants' pantry.
(examiner.com)

The Ghost Rider sequel, Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance, looks like it's moving forward. The guys who directed Crank are in the running to direct the followup to this lackadaisical Marvel Comics' movie. There were rumblings that the movie would be a reboot but it seems that the first movie's star, Nicholas Cage, is in to reprise the role of Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider. Word is Ghost Rider would be hunting down villains in Europe.     

(slashfilm.com)

The Hangover's Zach Galifianakis has been approached to play the lead in the remake of the '60s film The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Umm...holy bojangles. The movie's about a brookly slacker who transforms into a fish and fights Nazi subs. I guess the level of weird inherent within this flick will determine who had the better drugs: us or the guys in the 60s.

(filmdrunk.com)

It's official, Spider-Man's Sam Raimi will be directing Oz The Great and Powerful, the prequel to the classic Wizard of Oz film. Not only that but Raimi seems keen on setting it up as a starring vehicle for Robert Downey Jr. The movie will tell the story of the Wizard's first adventure in Oz, from his humble beginnings as a circus showman to becoming the great authority in the land of Oz.
(examiner.com)

DC Comics' is looking to The Blue Beetle to replace the departing Smallville as the superhero drama to watch. The Blue Beetle would focus on the third incarnation of the hero, teenager Jaime Reyes, who becomes possessed by an alien artifact that gives him extroardinary abilities. He's kind of like Spider-Man but his family and friends know of his 'secret' identity. The show may also lead to a revival of the character in a feature-film or animated series. Skeptics can line up on the right.         

(cinematical.com)

True Blood star Alexander Skarsgard has signed on to the Battleship flick. He joins Taylor Kitsch (Wolverine) in the adaptation of the Hasbro game. Skarsgard will play a by-the-books naval officer who is also the brother of Kitsch's character. The Universal Pictures' flick revolves around an international fleet coming together to battle a water-bound armada of otherworldly origin. Well, it sounds better than a flick about two brothers getting pissed at eachother over a game.       

(comingsoon.net)

A young guy named Benjamin Walker is in talks to star as the blue-furred mutant-with-a-brain Beast in X-Men: First Class. The movie's supposed to be out next summer so I wouldn't be surprised if we get a confirmation soon. Word on the lot is that they're also close to signing the movie's villain Magneto...which is good because..you know...movies take time to make.
(comingsoon.net)

Leonardi DiCaprio has officially been cast as the lead in Clint Eastwood's biopic on J. Edgar Hoover, the man who founded the Federal Bureau of Investigation. No word on if the movie will go into Hoover's cross-dressing antics, though I hear Leo has the legs for the part.   

(comingsoon.net)

I can't remember the last time I saw Nicole Kidman on the big screen but we'll all get to see her next in Trespass alongside Nicholas Cage. They'll play a married couple who get taken hostage by four evil dudes but things don't go as planned. I'm having a hard time fingering out if this is a comedy or a thriller...but with Nicholas Cage you never can tell.
(comingsoon.net)

The Hobbit is all over the place right now. While the project's just lost Guillermo Del Toro as its director and studios are trying to end the legal battle to get this flick off the ground, it seems that they might be eyeing District 9 director Neil Blomkamp to take over. Another rumor has it that they're pushing the original Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson to step up as well. Neither rumor surprises me but I'll say one thing; studios are pushing to get this thing out of the gates. They've already starting rebuilding the sets used to film the Shire and no doubt they want to latch on to what little momentum the series has left.
(io9.com)


What I Want

Please, please, please someone get me this: the Ninth Doctor-era TARDIS from Doctor Who's run with Christopher Eccleston. I know I won't be able to travel through time but...really I know. I know it's just a show...really.
(io9.com)

I woke up this morning and asked myself, 'what would be a good way to blow $200?' How about this laser built like a lightsaber from Star Wars? Not only does it look bloody cool but it'll burn your retinas, give you cancer, and set your skin on fire instantly. I'll just fiddle with it while I'm playing...
(io9.com)

...Star Wars: The Old Repulblic online-multiplayer-role-playing-game from BioWare! The six-minute cinematic trailer premiered at E3 and makes me want to grab a lightsaber and start hacking at wampas. This is what the prequel trilogy should have been.
(youtube.com)

Click For Chicks

20 Things Stuck In Cleavage. In my next life I'd like to be that kitten please.
(manofest.com)

Because 2 is better than 1: 25 sets of sexy twins.
(break.com)

Cute College Chick of the Day: Aileen from Stickler, NJ.
(collegehumor.com)


Laugh If You Can

Unintentional Porn Pics.
(uncoached.com)

25 funniest Fox News screen captures.
(manofest.com)

8 rejected Toy Story 3 characters.
(collegehumor.com)


Word Of The Week

Amanda Byrnes, that 24 year-old chick who's been in the starlight since she was 13, has declared that she has retired from acting (eonline.com). I could easily jump on the fact that she never acted in the first place, except as a hot teen with a great set of legs, but how about I focus on the fact that she is RETIRING. That's when you know you have it good; when you can retire at 24. When I was 24 I was selling computers and pissed that they raised the price on my bus pass. However, it brings up the subject of young actors in Hollywood. The Karate Kid's Jayden Smith has been talked about alot recently. The young guy's been getting alot of hate from people calling him 'arrogant' and 'priviliged'...Well no kidding, I'd be pretty arrogant too if I had a hit movie out there. Mostly, people are bitching about the kid's appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman. He didn't act like the expected, stereotypical, cute and whimsical child actor. Instead, Smith answered Letterman's questions like an adult and seemed to get a bit irked when Letterman was treating him like a child who gets paid to play dressup every morning. Do we ignore the possibility that someone who can't even drive doesn't practice the art of theatre? I'm not saying the kid's brilliant but maybe we should stop looking at child actors as visual and emotional candy for the sympathetic movie watcher. It used to be that children in movies were only there to get an emotional response: need to make a tough guy look bad? Pair him with a kid. Ladies and Gentlemen, these are no longer the days of Shirley Temple. Lately we've seen some really stand up child actors who should get more credit. Look at Kick Ass' Chloe Morentz or Little Miss Sunshine's Abigail Breslin. Hell, Breslin was nominated for an Academy Award. I've seen some pretty bad actors in some pretty bad movies and it blows my mind how one of these jokers can get a serious interview when a good child actor gets questions like, "How do you do your homework on set?" All I'm saying is recognize that there's real talent there. Before you know it one of these kids could be the next Clint Eastwood or Audrey Hepburn...unless they retire first.

Have a good work week.